November 21 Editorial

By: Kelly Woodard

As the college football season heats up, so too do the smack talking sessions between rivals. As a person living in a house that is divided on the battle lines, my Alabama loving husband proposed a bet this weekend that sent out a check I guarantee he is praying his behind can cash.
Ever since I was a kid, Florida State has been my favorite team. My dream came true, when at 18, I made the big move to Tallahassee and became an official FSU Seminole. Later that year, the Noles brought home the National Championship. It was a glorious time when all was right with the world. Since then, things on the Florida State football field have obviously been a little rough.
This year, as the Noles continue to dominate their opponents (insert some stupid comment here about us having a high school level schedule), Alabama fans become more and more agitated. My husband and basically everyone else I know included.
This week after the games had finished their final downs, I sat quietly as the Alabama fans, who had just played a horrifically flawed game against Mississippi State, got each other riled up. My brother chimed in first saying, “Regardless of the mistakes we made today, Florida State doesn’t have a chance against us in the National Championship game.”
They all grunted and scratched in agreement, and I giggled when I heard another add, “Yeah, if they are smart, they’ll just stay home.” Thank you for that profound insight, Einstein. These drunken hoots and clicks went on for nearly thirty minutes before I finally said, “Do you think that maybe the reason you guys are so confident regarding the fact that we suck and have absolutely no chance against you is because you are getting a little nervous about losing that giant pedestal you’ve been put on?”
The room went silent. I wasn’t sure if it was because they didn’t know how to respond or if I had used words that were too big for them to comprehend during Miller time.
Finally their head gorilla, my brother, spoke up. “Are you confident enough in your team to make a little bet?” Without missing a beat, I said, “Yep.” He conferred with my husband for a minute in whisper-like privacy like they were cooking up some ingenious plan when the Vice Gorilla (aka my husband) said, “Okay, if Florida State loses, you have to get an Alabama tattoo on your rear. If Alabama loses, I’ll get any Florida State tattoo on mine.”
The waves of utter excitement that flooded over my body in that moment cannot be described in words. I played it cool when I reached my hand out in front of a now captive audience to shake on the deal. But just before I did, I asked, “To be clear, if you lose, I get to pick ANY Seminole themed tattoo for you?” He responded with a “bring it on”, and the deal was sealed.
Confident in his idiotic bet, my husband gloated about seeing ‘Big Al’ on my derriere for a while when they gravity of my deviousness finally hit him. “So have you thought about what I have to get IF, haha, we lose?” Cool as a cucumber I looked him in the eyes and said, “Well, you know how I always wanted you to get a portrait of me? I think I’ll have you get my face wearing a full Seminole headdress doing the chop while grinning from ear to ear.”
His face went pale, and the room erupted in laughter. Suddenly all those Alabama fans wanted FSU to pull it out just so they could witness the main event. My husband tried to negotiate his previous statement that “all was fair in football and tattoos”, but I quickly reminded him that not only did I clarify the fact that the content would be my choice, but I had witnesses.
As the race to the championship is coming to a close, it looks like one of us will be sporting some new ink come the beginning of the year. In all fairness, I intend on holding up my end of the bargain. If FSU loses, I’ll get the stupid elephant. Maybe I’ll keep it classy and make it like those old window stickers where Calvin pees on everything. My mom is going to be so proud.
But for now, nothing brings me more pleasure than coming around a corner and catching him unexpectedly, then making that stupid face with my Seminole chop arm. Win or lose, I’ll always have these next two months of memories.